


our clocks are still ticking

by iwaxoi_shzrg



Category: Given (Anime), Given (Manga)
Genre: Feelings Realization, I just want them to be happy, M/M, Sad, idk if this is fluff or angst, soft, these two are an underrated rarepair
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-18 15:13:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28620105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwaxoi_shzrg/pseuds/iwaxoi_shzrg
Summary: "Hiiragi...I don't blame you."'He doesn't blame me' Hiiragi's brain stopped. The words he needed to hear so much for so long were finally being spoken out loud. Mafuyu forgave him some time ago...but in reality Hiiragi never truly knew what Mafuyu's opinion on him was. As long as he didn't hate him- it was enough.
Relationships: Satou Mafuyu/Kashima Hiiragi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	our clocks are still ticking

**Author's Note:**

> sometimes you just need to write about a rarepair that makes you happy and that's okay <3  
> shout out to @memcouu on twitter for beta reading this for me and correcting all of my mistakes. you're amazing mem thanks for dealing with my annoying ass and listening to me rant abt this two

Silence.

Nothing but rain drops hitting the window could have been heard. It was a cold December evening and Hiiragi could have been found in the presence of his childhood best friend Mafuyu Sato. 

Awkward silence surrounded the two of them. It was not necessarily uncomfortable just- awkward…ever since Yuki died they didn't really know how to communicate with each other. Should they act like nothing had happened? Does something in their relationship need to change?

Hiiragi wasn't sure.

He was afraid- terrified even. He didn't want to accidentally hurt his friend and lose him again. 

Knowing someone your entire life and then having them turn their back on you hurts like glass shattering inside of a heart. Glass can get swept but there is always going to be that one small piece that doesn't want to get out. In Hiiragi's situation that little piece was fear. Fear of losing Mafuyu again felt like a piece of glass cut his heart leaving it to bleed slowly and painfully.

At least now they were together. After everything they've been through together they are together again- and Hiiragi couldn't be happier because Mafuyu Sato was sitting next to him, listening to the sound of rain, looking peaceful...and for him that was enough.

"It's getting dark." Mafuyu mumbled under his breath, turning his head towards Hiiragi.

"Yeah…" the older boy nodded.

"Do you wanna stay over?"

"Hm?" Hiiragi's eyes widened in surprise, "You're okay with that?"

"Hiiragi." Mafuyu let out a defeated sigh, "You're a pain in the ass sometimes. Of course it's okay...I wouldn't ask you to stay if it wasn't...really I wouldn't."

Hiiragi nodded carefully, "Sure. I- I really missed you."

"Shizu-chan told me." Mafuyu moved a little closer to his friend.

"What did he tell you?" Hiiragi asked.

"He told me you acted as if the world was ending…" 

'How could I not???' Hiiragi thought 'When you mean the world to me.'

Mafuyu bit his lip anxiously, "I'm sorry for leaving you… I got overwhelmed and-"

"Mafuyu-" Hiiragi cut him off.

"Yes?"

"It's okay...I understand."

"Hiiragi...I don't blame you."

'He doesn't blame me' Hiiragi's brain stopped. The words he needed to hear so much for so long were finally being spoken out loud. Mafuyu forgave him some time ago...but in reality Hiiragi never truly knew what Mafuyu's opinion on him was. As long as he didn't hate him- it was enough.

Sure- Mafuyu could have been rough with him from time to time but he understood his reasoning and had no right to complain. After all he was known as the delinquent princess for a reason.

"Thanks." A small smile found its place on Hiiragi's mouth. 

"You should shower." Mafuyu noted and started to get up. "Here, I'll even borrow you some of my clothes."

"You're a real sweetheart Mafuyu." Hiiragi stuck out his tongue jokingly and got up after his friend. Mafuyu pushed some oversized clothes into his friend's arms.

"You can wear these. Mom bought it but it was too big."

"It's cause you're pocket size." Hiiragi grinned which earned him a light punch on the arm from the shorter boy.

"Go shower." Mafuyu rolled his eyes and Hiiragi rushed to the bathroom, closing the doors after getting in.

He undressed himself and slowly walked into the shower. For some time he stood in there, not doing anything as he let the hot water slip down his skin.

It burned a little but he didn't mind. He needed to experience something. Anything. Just to get the certain ginger boy out of his mind.

It wasn't their first sleepover, of course not, but this one...this one was the first one to give him butterflies in the stomach. 

He wasn't sure why…

His closest guess was that this was the first one after Yuki's death.

He turned off the shower once he was done showering and walked out with water dripping down his hair and skin. 

Slowly wrapping himself in the towel he walked up to the mirror and looked at his reflection. His eyes were tired and dark bags laid under them. He remembered all the unslept nights he spent at Shizusumi's house thinking of Mafuyu and what could have been if he stepped into the fight that day...maybe Yuki would still be here. And he was certain that if Yuki was here he'd know what to do. 

How to act…

but Hiiragi was not Yuki and he will never be Yuki.

He didn't want to be Yuki…(but he did want what Yuki once had)

After drying himself he pushed the towel in the basket with dirty towels and took the new one to dry his hair. Carefully, he put it on top of his head and walked out of the bathroom. The pair of sweatpants and a green t-shirt Mafuyu gave him fit perfectly.

"Are you going next?" Hiiragi asked as he walked in Mafuyu's room.

The smaller boy shook his head, "I take showers in the morning."

"HA?!" Hiiragi grimaced, "That's so dumb! You go to bed stinky??"

"I'm not stinky." Mafuyu glared at him.

"Whatever." Hiiragi sat next to him, "Is it still raining."

"Like crazy…" Mafuyu glanced at the sight outdoors.

"Um...thanks again for letting me stay over."

"Don't mention it." Mafuyu replied and they sat there in silence. Hiiragi wasn't sure whether to consider it comfortable or uncomfortable at this point. 

Around five minutes passed and Hiiragi found himself lost in his thoughts. 

However it did take him by surprise when Mafuyu suddenly leaned his head on Hiiragi's shoulder.

"Huh-?" He wanted to ask something more but decided against doing so.

Mafuyu moved a little closer and pulled a blanket along with him, wrapping it around him and his friend.

"Is this okay?"

Hiiragi awkwardly put his arm around Mafuyu's neck pulling the smaller boy closer. "Yeah...im here."

"You're here." Mafuyu repeated and Hiiragi could see his eyes filled with tears.

"Hey there-" he reached and whipped them away with his thumb. "What's wrong?"

"I miss him…" Mafuyu spoke softly and the blood in Hiiragi's veins froze. 

One sentence...one completely reasonable sentence made his heart bleed internally...was this supposed to happen? Was he supposed to feel like this? Yuki was his friend as well- of course he felt bad...all of the nights he could be found pressed against Shizusumu's back sobbing were enough proof so why...why as soon Mafuyu mentions his ex boyfriend an unknown feeling washes over him?

He gulped anxiously and nodded, "Yeah…me too."

"I wanna move on...Hiiragi-" he looked up, "I don't want to be in this pain anymore."

"It's okay." Hiiragi rubbed circles on his friend's back, "You should let it all out."

"How?" 

Hiiragi was silent for a moment, "Try singing."

Mafuyu took a deep breath and all of a sudden the sweetest, the softest, the kindest, the most painful la la la laaa he has ever heard left Mafuyu's mouth. He watched in shock as the other boy kept on singing.

The song might have not had any specific lyrics but the melody was just enough to shake Hiiragi to the core.

He didn't even realize when Mafuyu finished. He was lost. He was lost in his thoughts. He was lost in the sound.

"That…" he opened his mouth but no words could describe his feelings right now.

"Is it bad?" Mafuyu buried his face in Hiiragi's shoulder.

"N-no." The older boy stammered, "It's...stunning."

"Did you like it?" Mafuyu wondered.

"I...I loved it." He said without thinking.

"That's probably the nicest thing you have said to me in a while." Mafuyu chuckled, "Thanks...I do feel a little better now."

That's when the piece of glass inside his heart decided to make a final cut. It cut him with harsh realization. 

A realization that might change his entire life.

He might have been a little bit in love with Mafuyu…

'No. No. No. You can't just fall for our childhood friend! His boyfriend died just recently and let's not even mention the fact his ex was your bandmate and best friend.' He tried telling himself but it didn't seem to have any effect on his emotions.

"Please." Mafuyu spoke softly. "Continue to support me."

Hiiragi tightened his grip, watching as the ginger boy slowly breathed. He’d never seen a creature so peaceful yet chaotic, so sweet yet annoying, so gentle yet rough because Mafuyu Sato was truly unique. He was strong on the outside but fragile on the inside. One bad move and he'd be broken. 

Mafuyu Sato was truly fascinating. He looked innocent, he looked soft, he looked like nothing ever bothered him yet he was the one who was always thinking the most which would often result in overthinking and that was never good. Because overthinking never brought anything but pain, at least to Hiiragi.

They sat in silence which might be the first one Hiiragi would actually consider uncomfortable. Raindrops started to sound louder and a shrieking sound overflowed his ear. 

"Hiiragi?" Soft words slipped down Mafuyu's lips waking up Hiiragi from the unusual trance he was in. 

"Yeah…" Hiiragi let out a sigh and put on a (fake) smile, "I'll support you Maf."

"You're not gonna call me troublesome?" Mafuyu chuckled.

'If you're trouble, then I wanna be a delinquent.' Hiiragi sucked on the drops of blood from his already swollen lip. He has a habit of biting it when he’s nervous just to remain at least a little bit calm.

"No...it's too early for that." He shrugged.

A barely heard chuckle made its way out of Mafuyu's mouth, "Too early? You're afraid aren't you?"

"Afraid of what?"

"You're scared...you're scared that something in our relationship might have changed and you're scared that we'll need to build it all over again."

"I-" Hiiragi opened his mouth but closed it soon after, he realized there was no way he could argue with the truth.

"Don't worry. You're still my best friend.I hope you're aware of the fact that even though I'm so rough with you it just means I love you and I'm comfortable around you."

"You…"Hiiragi's eyes widened, "You love me?" 

And Mafuyu looked at him so dazzling he couldn't deny it no more. He was in love with his best friend,it hurt so much because there was no way the other boy would ever return his feelings. After all Mafuyu never made it a secret that Hiiragi's like a little sister to him, and that his love for him could never be more than platonic. It broke him. It shattered his heart. He was jealous of Yuki- as absurd as it sounded to be jealous of a dead person. 

Hiiragi was a greedy person. There were so many things he wanted to do with Mafuyu  
that it began to hurt. The pain growing with each passing thought  
He wanted to hug him tightly and sing him to sleep, make him laugh, he wanted to kiss his lips and so muchmore. He wanted to feel their bodies pressed up against each other with the heat of adrenaline, he wanted to explore his friend's body, he wanted to leave traces along his collarbone and in places only he would be able to see.

But then again...

It's only been few months since Yuki's passing, yet Hiiragi never got his chance to grieve properly and Mafuyu probably hadn’t done it properly either and just ended up overthinking. It was too early. This was not the time so why- why was his mind doing this to him?? Why was it putting him in such an uncomfortable situation?

He wasn't sure if he was just being a lusty teenager in racy delusion, or if his feelings were a hundred percent true and he really wanted a future with Mafuyu. It made him feel sick. 

And then...

"Yeah." Mafuyu shrugged, "But you're not hearing me say that ever again." 

And a small smile, maybe a genuine one, maybe not, found its place on Hiiragi's lips. 

Suddenly everything was okay. They had their entire lives ahead of them. They might’ve made a few wrong turns in their lives so far but that's why they had each other; to help the other one get back on track. They were just kids on their way to becoming adults. They were going to help each other move on, slowly and carefully. 

Because their clocks are still ticking. 

"Bet."

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed! if you did don't be shy and leave me some kudos <3  
> also follow my writing twitter account same @ as here! that's where i'll post all updates about my fics and give you lil sneak peaks eheh


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